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Understanding Anger

brainspotting cbt coaching life coaching manifestation self development self help selfawareness somatic experiences therapy universal principles Nov 20, 2023
Understanding Anger

What Anger Really Is. 

Everyone has an opinion about anger.  It is an emotion that is portrayed in our social structures as dark, scary, powerful, strong.  When people get angry publicly it is advertised tied with revenge, justice, shame, mental illness, grief.

What is anger?  Anger is an emotion that our brains process in the limbic system, in the amygdala.  It becomes activated, sending a response to the body that is often instantaneous and can be easily triggered in those with trauma or maladaptive coping strategies.  Impulse control sometimes goes offline when anger is activated and an individual is triggered.

Anger occurs in the amygdala of the brain.  It is referred to as the reptilian brain and is responsible for the responses that help us survive in times of threat.  The amygdala is also located in the limbic system of the brain that is initiated in trauma.  Like most emotions, anger does not only occur in the brain.  Emotions are felt within the body as much as they are triggered in the brain.  There is no separation between how our body responds and our brain's emotional process. 

With anger, the brain releases the neurotransmitters known as catecholamines which support the momentary release of energy.  It is believed that this burst of energy drives the protective action behind anger.  For example, an individual's heart rate may accelerate, their blood pressure rises, and breath rate increases.  They then prepare for physical action by having an increased flow of blood within their body.  These body responses guide an individual to focus on the target of their anger, with additional adrenaline and noradrenaline being released with other neurotransmitters to create a longer lasting state of arousal.  

Think of the amygdala as the place in the brain that controls emotion, and the prefrontal cortex, our thinking brain as the place that is handling judgement.  To be in control in responding to anger, the brain needs to function with a balance between the prefrontal cortex and the amygdala.  This balance is possible through mindfulness, relaxation techniques, and cognitive control techniques.  It allows an individual to experience anger and respond with rational decision and logic rather than emotional reaction.

What triggers anger?  Anger in simple terms, occurs when something that is important to us - a value - has been disrespected or invalidated.  Other possible triggers for anger include deliberate interference, whether it is a person, an object.  When interference towards a goal occurs anger is a natural response.  Injustice, where a value has been ignored, stepped on, or abused is another trigger.  Protective anger can occur when the value, or safety of a loved one is threatened either physically or psychologically.  At times anger can be reciprocated anger, when another's anger threatens our own safety or value.  Anger can be triggered if our value of self is threatened through betrayal, abandonment or rejection.  As well, if we observe someone disrespecting a law, cultural rule or value we hold through social acceptance, it can trigger anger.

As mentioned, anger is flipped ‘on’ when an individual has one of their values disrespected.  Anger can also become escalated frustration, from the lack of control in a situation to the lack of respect of that control.  Think of road rage, which is a popular response in many individuals when driving.  Getting cut off? How can that person act as if they are more important?  They have disrespected your value of equality, of sense of worth.  Having another person ride on your bumper? They are threatening your safety.  Maybe you shout at the person who is going slow, interfering with your time frame in reaching your destination.  Watching someone run a red light and tense up with anger?  Road rage occurs because individuals have disrespected values like the rules of the road, protocols of transitions, or even others acting in a way that makes them seem entitled.

If anger is simply an emotional response to the disrespect of a value, then it is just another temporary felt emotion.  If anger is allowed to become chronic, it can become a source of persistent stress.  Prolonged exposure to these elevated stress hormones contribute to health issues, cardiovascular problems, immune system functioning becoming weak, anxiety, and sleep patterns.  Unreleased and unprocessed anger has a negative impact on the body.  

Think about that for a moment.  The messaging of anger, is that one of our values is being ignored or disrespected.  Men are taught that if their values are ignored or disrespected and they become enraged they are threatening and powerful.  Women are taught, on the other hand, if their values are disrespected that they are not to show it, that they will be considered ‘crazy’ if they do, and foolish.  What does that say about the values a woman holds?  

When we think of anger who will come to mind?  

Let’s generalize for a moment.

Male children are often taught that they should not show their anger with others through their words or threats or violence.  Yet they are also taught to release their anger through aggression in smashing things, fighting, martial arts, sports, or action.  Angry men are thought to have unreleased tension that they are acting on, as if it is just some sort of pressure valve that needs to be given attention.  They need to go to anger management, because although it is acceptable that they have anger, they just need to learn to control it in appropriate ways.

In Marvel comics - which are very popular with children, a famous hero who has unprocessed ongoing anger is Hulk.  Not just Hulk but the incredible Hulk.  This character embodies the destructive power of anger and is the alter ego of a brillant scientist, Dr. Bruce Banner.  The Hulk is known for uncontrollable rage and incredible physical strength, which makes him one of the most powerful characters in the Marvel Universe.  The Hulk’s taglline is even ‘The madder Hulk gets, the stronger Hulk gets’.  Hulk has been a prominent figure in Marvel Comics and has appeared in various comic series, television shows, and movies.

Female children, in comparison, are often taught that anger is not acceptably displayed in any social context.  It is disrespectful to show anger.  It makes a female look too masculine, too ‘crazy’.  If a female shows her anger then she is being manipulative.  Social media refers to angry women as ‘Karens’ these days.  As children they are shown girls that display frustration when they are mentally confused or reacting from jealous.  Mothers are depicted as having anger and frustration towards their children when they lose control.  Although I will say as a mother this definitely happens at times, why is it that fathers are shown to be acting on anger through strength and protective factors, and women when they are losing control of themselves and others.

Continuing the Marvel theme, Elektra is a character who seeks vengeance with her rage.  Her morals are questionable and her uncontrolled anger is directed by motivation from her own struggles.  In addition there is now the character of ‘she-hulk’ Jennifer Walters, who rather than becoming destructive with anger is portrayed as controlling it with intelligence and wit to use it to her advantage.

Why is it that males are shown a character who is a hero with destructive yet somehow acceptable strength in anger, but females are shown that if their anger is released it is for morally questionable reasons, or must be controlled with any intelligence they have.

In Shrek we have a huge green, ugly ogre who is constantly frustrated or angry about something.  Yet he is also the hero.  The female counterpart is Fiona, and she must hide away her own ‘ugliness’ ogre side because she is supposed to be a princess.  Even when she does release her ogre and accept that side of herself, she uses it with wit and logic at most times.  

Although Disney and childhood viewing have shifted from Donald Ducks constant frustration and anger into portraying emotions through movies like Brave and Inside Out, it continues to portray males with powerful strength in anger, and females with confusion and immorality when anger is uncontrolled.

Society, in general, continues to support the socialization of anger as dark and powerful, especially for males. While females are intentionally taught that they are to suppress their anger, to only show it through their language and intelligence.  If they show it ‘too’ much then they will be considered unintelligent, weak minded and mentally unwell.  If a male shows his anger ‘too’ much he will be considered powerful and abusive, threatening and scary.

This is, as I have said a generalization.  I have seen some healthy protrayals of anger as well in shows that children view, in modern day families and the classrooms today.  It is beginning to expand.

When we think of released anger, quite often the emotion that is attached is discomfort.  It is not healthy to show anger, be angry or even to identify anger.  It scares people, it intimidates others, it means there is something ‘wrong’ with us or the situation.

Anger is just an emotion.  It is just an escalation that happens when we have felt a value has been ignored or disrespected.  It is another emotion to feel, process, release.

What if we all learned to just sit with our anger?  Identify it, feel it, allow it, release it.  Breath through the emotion.  Recognize where it is in your body when it surfaces.  Focus on it, but do not react with it.  It almost always transforms when we do this.

Anger is an emotional energy.  It often will transform into sadness, and then shift from there into acceptance.  Energy as stated in the principle of perpetual transformation can change and shift.  It is always in motion, as stated in the law of vibration.  Energy, all emotion, even anger, is not to be attached to fear and résistance.  It just sends us a message to process.  

Sometimes anger requires a voice, to vocalize how we are feeling, what value we have felt deserved justice or to be heard.  Sometimes it just requires our own self awareness and radical acceptance to move forward.  Attempt to embrace anger when it surfaces, and see where this embracement leads you.

Anger can be a motivator, it can teach you what your values are, what you need, what you can accept, who you want to be.  Anger can drive us forward into our best potential, if we learn to allow it, to process it, to release it rather than to force it down, or have it escalate and control our behaviours.

Be your best potential.  




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